I was a dork in school. I assume I still am one. I have always been different and some people just don’t like differences. I was/am overweight, read entirely too much fiction, avoid the sun (although in retrospect, that’s probably a good thing), and tended to avoid people in general. I had my circle of friends, but they all were friends of my boyfriends at the time. Once the relationships ended, usually the friendships did as well.
Now I struggle to have friends. I had friends in school who I should have cherished and treated so much better. I didn’t. I let them walk away, and I should have held on, at their ankles if necessary, to keep them from leaving me. Luckily, I have been reconnecting with old friends and acquaintances. Not everyone likes me, I am sure, and I struggle to make sure I don’t fall into my old habit of trying to buy friendships buy doing things, being the way I think they want me to be, etc. I was a doormat. No longer.
I am going to stay a dork. A geek. A nerd. I will wear that mantle proudly and I will strut my stuff in my geekdom. I will be myself, and if they can’t handle it, there’s more where they came from.
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